Sunday, July 12, 2009

New Musings....

This is the plan -
Monday 13th - run (happy birthday big sis!)
Tuesday 14th - bike or massive yard work. This is what I get with so much 'yard'.

This is my bike - who wouldn't want to ride that?

Wednesday - run
Thursday - bike
Friday - run
Saturday & Sunday - I have no idea. I'll try to fit something in if I'm not dead from the previous days. Seriously out of shape. It's gross. I just can't believe it. It's hard to believe in myself when I can't get my mind mentally in that groove that it just used to naturally be in. Where the hell is that girl that's run 18 marathons? Seriously, I want her back but sometimes I feel she's so buried by stress, work, and bitterness (yes, I'm bitter) that I'll never be able to dig her up again. And if that happens, if I can't find her again, Robb wins. That right there should light a fire under my ass to get me going.

My HOPE this week is to blog the distance of the run or bike from the scheduled day - at the end of the day.

Wish me luck.


PS - oh yeah, I'm looking ahead for a goal race. The Annual Marathon Maniac reunion is next May at the Tacoma Marathon. If I can get ready for that, then I'll be able to do possibly one that summer and at least Seattle in the fall of 2010 - that will take me to 20 marathons - which is something I've been looking forward to. A small part of me wants to get something pulled together for a marathon at the end of this year, but that's total nonsense so I need to put that idea to bed before it gets the best of me.

Off to try to name capitol of states.... wow, that'll put ya to sleep! Thanks for the suggestion!

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Dead Widgets

Oh yeah - I know the widgets on the left are way out of date - I just keep trying to figure out what to replace them with. New goal race? Do I want to keep up with the online training log that I never use? Guess I just answered that one myself. So, I'm just going to be a slacker for a few more weeks... or a month. Stay tuned - one day they will all be updated and maybe on that day - I'll be back (said, of course, in the most Arnoldish of accents).



When you can't sleep.... BLOG.

Well, I'm WIDE awake. If it wasn't 11 PM I'd go for a walk.... oh well. The joy in this night is smelling a really smelly dog. What does he smell like? well, dog. He's snoring away on his little doggie bed on the floor. Good thing he has stopped trying to sleep on my bed seeing as I'm allergic to him and he gives me hives. Nice.... doggie.

My girls are with their dad right now... they have a 3-week stretch with him. We're half way through and I miss them like crazy. I miss their sweet hugs and their funny questions and even their bickering. It's too quiet - which is probably why I have trouble sleeping.

Anyway - exercise front: I biked a couple days last week. The first attempt went foul. I got my bike loaded up - drove in to Seattle so I could bike along the lake, got 1/2 mile from work and my rear tire went flat. AGAIN. It seems it was a pinch flat from when I had the new tires put on. It's weird it didn't go flat on my ride weeks ago. I think it was just waiting for me to really WANT to ride to flat on me. I tried again a couple days later and made it all the way from work, down to the lake, around Seward Park and back. It was a short ride - 13 miles or so - but I made it. I can't believe how out of shape I am. I can't keep making excuses. SERIOUSLY! I'm strong - I can do this - I WANT to be physically fit again - I need to be able to be there again.

I have my bike loaded up and ready to hit the road tomorrow too. Just need to get some sleep so I can actually get up in time to get a ride in before my work day begins.

The plan for this week is to ride tomorrow and then do 6 miles on Friday morning - it'll be a run/walk as I know I can't do the entire distance running right now. Again, I'm about where I was 5 years ago. All that hard work - gone - depressing. However, I've been here before and I know where I can get with some hard work. FOCUS - that's what I need.

Okay - I'm sitting here just watching Alton Brown soak corn... I'm sure if I just close my eyes I'll be able to envision something a lot more entertaining....

Off to dreamland, I hope.


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Get a Map!

Well - even though that ride out on the bike sucked today - it did spur me to get on the trail tonight. So.... I decided to go out 30 minutes - 40 max. I parked my car, got my key tucked away and headed out with my cell phone. Hey - I know there's limited reception out there, but it still made me feel better to have it, although I couldn't get Pandora on it... dang!

Okay - so I head out.. .I run 30 minutes and think I'm close to my car. I head down the road the way I think I should go. I think I have my directional sense pretty well figured out. I get to the bottom of the road and I can't see the parking area. DANG - I've gone the wrong way. The other end of the road is 2.25 miles away. I start chugging along. That's okay - I'll be gone an hour. No biggie. I finally make it to the end that I'm sure the car is at and guess what? No car.... yeah, I was right the first time. The parking area was evidently over to the right and I went to the left and just missed it.

So, now I'm frustrated and know that the car is 2.25 miles away. I then ran into a couple with a map - NOTE TO SELF - GET A MAP! Anyway, I notice a trail that leads between the two ends of the road so if I take it I'll cut a significant amount of time off my trip back to the car. Anyway, I get through the trail and yeah, just as I suspected - there's my ride. Nice! So, 80 minutes later, I'm finally on my way. What a way to start back into running - an 80 minute trail run filled with frustration! It was fun though... can't wait to do it again - all but the lost thing.


Well - I'm either extremely out of shape or I'm just a bundle of nerves. I got on my bike today - first time since August of 2007 and it kicked my ass. I felt like I was literally going to vomit. I didn't make it far. Okay - I did 6 miles. That's it! I know I have a way to go to get back to where I was a couple years ago but, sheesh, this was ridiculous! Where the hell is that girl that can pump out marathons and 60+ mile rides????? I'm trying to dig her back up but it's a slow process!

Anyway, my plan is to do a walk/run on some trails tonight while my girls are at dance. I'm going to post back here tonight for accountability. Great - I'm accountable to a blog because I can't just do it on my own. Nice!

Anyway, I'm feeling good.... Thanks to my great friends for you support - virtual and otherwise!


Thursday, April 23, 2009

Five Months

Well, it's been 5 months since I've posted. Not really the goal I had when I set out to start this blog.

I'm finally divorced and I'm finally to the point where I can say my life is finally on track.

Yes, Robb - I know you read this blog - Lynn told me you did so - enjoy.

Anyway, as I was saying - I'm finally divorced from one of the biggest liars I've ever known. This is such a great feeling - to know he has no more control over my life. I just have to deal with him 12 more years (ugh) and then I'll really be free.

I feel really mentally and emotionally strong now - or stronger than I've been for a long time. My life as I knew it was ripped up from underneath me and that's hard to deal with as you're trying to be a mother to two young girls and work full time. It's time to take that experience and put it behind me - take what I've learned and make it work for myself and my girls.

Running - I was asked today how my running was coming along. I had to say I hadn't really run since October. That's the truth. It's awful. I remember really identifying myself as a runner - and I can't now. I want to be able to do so again so I've made a schedule. Yes, it's penciled in - starting with 2 miles. Yeah, I'm starting over from the beginning. Again - mentally painful as I know the exhilaration of a 26 mile run - to start knowing 2 miles will be hard on me is depressing but I'll never begin again if I don't just begin.

I feel like I've endured one of the greatest challenges of my life. I've finally come out the other end - not unscathed - but not completely broken. I'm in the process of healing and I'm going to start focusing on me again - briefly every day. Yoga, Pilates, running - I need to get those positive endorphins going again. I know this will make be a better mother and friend.

I really hope my next post is one of accomplishment - that I've actually done something - run a mile or two. I really hope it's not 5 months down the road. This summer is going to be amazing - because I'm going to make it that way.