Thursday, April 23, 2009

Five Months

Well, it's been 5 months since I've posted. Not really the goal I had when I set out to start this blog.

I'm finally divorced and I'm finally to the point where I can say my life is finally on track.

Yes, Robb - I know you read this blog - Lynn told me you did so - enjoy.

Anyway, as I was saying - I'm finally divorced from one of the biggest liars I've ever known. This is such a great feeling - to know he has no more control over my life. I just have to deal with him 12 more years (ugh) and then I'll really be free.

I feel really mentally and emotionally strong now - or stronger than I've been for a long time. My life as I knew it was ripped up from underneath me and that's hard to deal with as you're trying to be a mother to two young girls and work full time. It's time to take that experience and put it behind me - take what I've learned and make it work for myself and my girls.

Running - I was asked today how my running was coming along. I had to say I hadn't really run since October. That's the truth. It's awful. I remember really identifying myself as a runner - and I can't now. I want to be able to do so again so I've made a schedule. Yes, it's penciled in - starting with 2 miles. Yeah, I'm starting over from the beginning. Again - mentally painful as I know the exhilaration of a 26 mile run - to start knowing 2 miles will be hard on me is depressing but I'll never begin again if I don't just begin.

I feel like I've endured one of the greatest challenges of my life. I've finally come out the other end - not unscathed - but not completely broken. I'm in the process of healing and I'm going to start focusing on me again - briefly every day. Yoga, Pilates, running - I need to get those positive endorphins going again. I know this will make be a better mother and friend.

I really hope my next post is one of accomplishment - that I've actually done something - run a mile or two. I really hope it's not 5 months down the road. This summer is going to be amazing - because I'm going to make it that way.



Lori said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lori said...

I deleted the first post because I messed it up...
anyway, I wanted to say-- Good to see your post. It's really good "seeing" you blogging again. ;) missed you

BluElf said...

Shel, I am so proud of you!!! I know you can do this!! Last year when I was even more of a newbie runner than I still am now, you welcomed me to the Team at buckeye and helped me believe I could run. You are an amazing woman and a beautiful runner and will definitely run again!! =) You have been missed! Please know that you have friends out here who love you and are enthusiastically cheering you on!! Go Shel!!!! =D

Andria Laws said...

Welcome back Shelleena, we've missed you! I'm excited to be visiting your blog again. You have gone through so much and I hope you know how much we all love and support you. I know you will come through this trial victoriously and that you'll continue to be an inspiration to many as you have already been to myself and many others. Love you!

Anonymous said...

you are one damn strong woman.

you'll get back at running, in your own time.

keep your chin up.

Heather said...

Way to go Shelleena!

YOU can do it!!

We'll be reading very soon about 10, 15, and 20 mile runs.

Take care!