Thursday, April 23, 2009

Five Months

Well, it's been 5 months since I've posted. Not really the goal I had when I set out to start this blog.

I'm finally divorced and I'm finally to the point where I can say my life is finally on track.

Yes, Robb - I know you read this blog - Lynn told me you did so - enjoy.

Anyway, as I was saying - I'm finally divorced from one of the biggest liars I've ever known. This is such a great feeling - to know he has no more control over my life. I just have to deal with him 12 more years (ugh) and then I'll really be free.

I feel really mentally and emotionally strong now - or stronger than I've been for a long time. My life as I knew it was ripped up from underneath me and that's hard to deal with as you're trying to be a mother to two young girls and work full time. It's time to take that experience and put it behind me - take what I've learned and make it work for myself and my girls.

Running - I was asked today how my running was coming along. I had to say I hadn't really run since October. That's the truth. It's awful. I remember really identifying myself as a runner - and I can't now. I want to be able to do so again so I've made a schedule. Yes, it's penciled in - starting with 2 miles. Yeah, I'm starting over from the beginning. Again - mentally painful as I know the exhilaration of a 26 mile run - to start knowing 2 miles will be hard on me is depressing but I'll never begin again if I don't just begin.

I feel like I've endured one of the greatest challenges of my life. I've finally come out the other end - not unscathed - but not completely broken. I'm in the process of healing and I'm going to start focusing on me again - briefly every day. Yoga, Pilates, running - I need to get those positive endorphins going again. I know this will make be a better mother and friend.

I really hope my next post is one of accomplishment - that I've actually done something - run a mile or two. I really hope it's not 5 months down the road. This summer is going to be amazing - because I'm going to make it that way.